Well.
I wish I had written one of these a month ago. By the middle of March, my university went online, and now, at the end of March, 75% of Americans are living in some state of lockdown as the numbers of people infected and lost around the world continue to climb. We are all, adults and children alike, expected to continue "work as normal" under conditions that are anything but normal. Although I join those who push back again the emphasis on productivity during a pandemic and emphasize the importance of self-care and compassion... I do nonetheless worry about my own productivity.
Not that I was getting a lot done before all this happened—my malaise from last year had not abated—but I think the constant state of urgency, with more to do as a department chair and more to think about as a human being, has strangely made me more alert to what I need to do as a writer and scholar. Of course, it's much harder to focus when you're trying to absorb the constantly updating news around the world (and here we thought there was a lot of news before the pandemic, ha). But the current crisis also makes it more imperative to unplug and refresh our minds, to focus on something else for at least a short while. (Not all of us can do this, of course, especially the heroes of the day: health care workers, first responders, and grocery store and restaurant employees, among others.)
It seems that, very recently, I have managed to avoid the news cycle—and commentary on the news, and commentary on the commentary, ad infinitum and ad nauseam—which enabled me to recover a bit of my focus and motivation and move some projects forward. Today I sent off a book proposal to an editor who's been patiently waiting for it, and I will continue work on a handbook chapter for another editor who's been even more patient, which I hope will lead to finally completing a related book proposal for yet another editor, whose patience is off the charts. When those things are done, and I get a few review assignments off my desk, I can get back to the superhero-and-ethics book for which I did the reading and note-taking at the end of last year.
In lighter activity, I have managed to keep up with blogging at Psychology Today and The Virtues of Captain America, as well as start an Instagram account, which I've found to be a comforting escape from Twitter (at which I just "celebrated" my tenth anniversary).
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I've found some solace this past month in journaling, which I do off and on and off again (and intermittently at that). But this time around, I've been using it to try to figure out what I want to do, as in "with my life," a nut I've been trying to crack for going on a decade now. Much of it has to do with determining with who I want to be, who I want to think of myself as, and who I want others to think of me as, all of which come back in one way or another to the word worthy (which just happens to be the focus of the book I'm current working on, so that's kind of weird).
I also realized I had came to no longer think of myself of a writer, which was a striking revelation. I've written about why that particular mode of self-identification is problematic for me, but it did serve as an existential anchor of sorts, grounding me in an understanding of what I did with my days. Without it, I just drifted, but I think I've found my footing again, as shown by the reignited embers of work detailed above, and hopefully I'll have more progress to report the next time I check in.
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Until I see you again, please be well and safe, practice social distancing, and do wot the man says...
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